September 26, 2021

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I have wanted a dog for so long.  It was such an honour to get to know mom dog, Rosy, see the puppies from birth on.  I had them keep my three top-choice pups available for four weeks for me to decide.  It was hard but I made my decision.  One of my cons was that I wondered about her health and strength.  She has always been a little like the runt of the litter, even though she was not the last born.  It felt too good to be true that we would finally own a dog.

Then she got so sick and everything crashed.  Of course, I knew I couldn't own a dog.  Not enough time.  I'm not good enough.  I don't deserve it.  And it hurts.

She has a very rare disease but at least there is hope for recovery and each day she gets a little stronger.

Today at work, a customer was saying he was out grocery shopping before his dog has her pups.  He breeds Nova Scotia Duck tolling retrievers.  My nephew's family dog is that breed.  Neat.

I tell him about our pup and strangles and he asks if we can get out of buying her. He says they can continue to have health issues including autoimmune and digestive.

And I think, no, we care about her too much.  She still needs a family, a home.  But it stays with me and I wonder.  Can I do it?  What are we getting into?  I can't afford constant vet bills.

The grey puppy was my second choice and other than our pup, he's the last to go to his new family.  I don't want our puppy to be feeling unwell the first time she goes to her new home.

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