Lovingheart

When I originally told my siblings I was thinking of calling the puppy Mina, my sister Moira did not particularly appreciate the name.  She suggested some others, one of which was Opal which I also liked.  So her name is Opalamina.  O'pal'a'mine or just Mina.  Her birth family called her Peanut. We visited with her today and she is stronger and happier.  To think, a week ago, she tried to stand and fell over.  Today she was running and happy.  These boils/growths that are a part of the disease are popping, leaving behind puss and deep holes where they were.  Poor puppy.  She is still sensitive, in some pain, and not very energetic, but much better. When told she has a very good appetite and is food driven, Marlon responded that it is the steroids.  Even before them, she liked to eat but I have no doubt they may play a role.  When Marlon was taking an extended dose of steroids, I remember many a discussion all about food and cravings...

Yesterday, Marlon was excited to go 'gaming mouse hunting'.  His uncle offered to get him a decent mouse so Marlon was doing good research and reading reviews to see if he can find a decent one that will work well but isn't too complicated.  We'll see how the mouse he chose works out. Ah, no, I wasn't trying to get at the treats that were in the bag.

Several nights ago when I got home from work, Marlon was in bed but not asleep.  I gave him his dinner time pill and bedtime pills together and he spent the next hour hunched over his 'container', overtaken by nausea but not throwing up.  A few nights later as he was getting into bed, I remembered I had not given him his pills so I gave them all to him at the same time.  Once again he was overcome by extreme nausea which lasted quite a while.  Don't think I'll do that again. Last night, he was having lemonade acknowledging that if he was feeling sick, he wouldn't be drinking it.  He was fine and then moments later he was throwing up.  Sometimes it catches him by surprise but worries of sickness affect his thoughts in so many ways. Marlon is a little intimidated by dogs.  He doesn't like aggressive play or loud barking.  When the pups were born he liked the one with the shin pads.  After I decided which pup we were getting Marlon believed he h...

I have wanted a dog for so long.  It was such an honour to get to know mom dog, Rosy, see the puppies from birth on.  I had them keep my three top-choice pups available for four weeks for me to decide.  It was hard but I made my decision.  One of my cons was that I wondered about her health and strength.  She has always been a little like the runt of the litter, even though she was not the last born.  It felt too good to be true that we would finally own a dog. Then she got so sick and everything crashed.  Of course, I knew I couldn't own a dog.  Not enough time.  I'm not good enough.  I don't deserve it.  And it hurts. She has a very rare disease but at least there is hope for recovery and each day she gets a little stronger. Today at work, a customer was saying he was out grocery shopping before his dog has her pups.  He breeds Nova Scotia Duck tolling retrievers.  My nephew's family dog is that breed.  Neat. I tell...

I worked today and Marlon probably spent too much time on a device.  This evening he was telling me how much he needs a proper gaming mouse.  He'll have to research it.  We do seem to go through 'mouses' (mice?) fairly fast.  Marlon has one, wants a better one.  We have a better one but it doesn't work. He looked out and saw it looked like it was a nice sunset and we went out for a walk to check out the sky.  It wasn't that fantastic but fun can be had with a powerful flashlight.  Mushrooms and light shining on the tree

I think I'm losing my mind.  Marlon came to Guelph with me.  We stopped and before we got out of the car I wanted to make a phone call.  Looked for my phone, found it, replied to a text, put it down to see where my phone was to make the call.  Marlon laughed and laughed at my stupidity.  I did something else a little later, not quite so absent-minded but Marlon got a laugh out of that too. He came into Costco with me.  First time in a year and a half.  Some of the sample people were happy to see him by my side again. Puppy is a little better today but still uncomfortable.  She walks with a little more stability.  Still a long way to go. Many of the marigolds are in perfect bloom. By bedtime, Marlon was ready to smash the cast to pieces.  It has only been three days. 

No surprise but Marlon is tired of having a cast.  He couldn't undo the zipper on his sweatshirt because he needed two hands and there are so many things he can't do properly. He isn't sure it is doing anything anyway.  I remind him that at least he isn't banging his sore arm on anything. Marlon's appetite is still recovering from Tuesday's chemo.  At first he could feel his body doing what it could to clear it from his system and he still has a low-grade queasiness.  I imagine it will be better tomorrow.  He was in bed when I got home from work this evening but I have him his pills (a few hours late) but then he felt so sick, he was sitting up, sure he was going to throw up.  He made it without. His latest project came today and he finished it in no time.  The monthly box has definitely run its course.  The bird's wings turn using gears.

Marlon is adjusting well to having a cast and joking around about all the damage he could do with it.  Luckily he hasn't done any yet. I got another call from the doctor this morning telling me to hold his steroids after all.  Marlon was asking why they don't affect him as much as they used to.  I am not sure about dosage but the length of time he takes them is shorter.  Easier that way. Now that puppy is on the right medication, she is slowly starting to improve.   She is still very puffy, her face is all swollen and she has sores on her head, especially her ears.  She was able to walk a few steps.  Marlon came with me to visit her and she didn't get up when we came to say hi but wagged her tail in acknowledgment.  She is happy to sleep on a lap (just like my cat is doing right now). Marlon asked for more 'sugar glue' today.  His name for our failed pudding.  It is not easy to say 'sugar glue' ten times fast.

Tired today.  Hit by the runaway night brain last night so I didn't get much sleep.  Thinking about dogs and feeling so sad for our puppy that we haven't been able to take home yet (we were going to this week).  In the middle of the night, I didn't think she'd make it.  She is still alive and it sounds likely that she does have 'puppy strangles'.  When I first saw her on Saturday and searched up puppy illnesses, I felt that is what she had.  Apparently not common at all so I wonder why.   I had to get up this morning for a scheduled hospital visit.  We got to the hospital and I assumed it wouldn't be that long as Marlon needed just a quick 'push' of chemo.  Five hours later we finally left. The doctors and physiotherapist want Marlon to have a brace for his legs.  They aren't improving as they should be.  The mere mention of braces has him crying.  They'll reevaluate next month. They also checked out his arm and suggested ...

We had some extra milk so tried to make pudding.  I don't have corn starch so used arrowroot and tapioca.  It was getting hot but not thickening so we added more and then all of a sudden we had glue.  Heavy goop.  Quite gross actually but Marlon thought it ok though it took him a long time to eat through a little. Supposed to be butterscotch but I would call it a fail. Especially at the beginning of his illness, Marlon didn't want to hear any conversations about medications or procedures.  With the puppy being sick, he is the same way.  He doesn't want to talk about her, see her, or hear anything about what's going on with her. The vet doesn't know what is wrong so time will tell.

After working today, I rushed home to run out the door again.  There was a picnic with a group we haven't done much with in years but I thought it would be fun to see them again.  I tried to convince Marlon to come along with me but he was playing Minecraft with friends.  It was probably better for me he didn't come along as he would have been pestering me to leave.  There were kids of all ages, I got there at the end, and he likely wouldn't have connected.  I appreciated seeing a lot of great people I hadn't seen in years. While I was making supper, Marlon created a 'board game' on paper for us to play.  He was feeling fine and I noted he hasn't had his anti-nausea pill.  Next thing I knew he was very nauseous and then threw up.  Poor guy, it doesn't take much. Little puppy is being taken care of.  She still isn't feeling better and may see a vet tomorrow (she saw a horse vet today).  Out of the nine puppies, five have gone to their new...

The timing of my eye accident was somehow meant to be.  I have often mentioned audiobooks but I have been taking a self-imposed break from listening to books and podcasts.  I have listened to the occasional one when Marlon wants to do so together.  Had I been listening to something it would have changed the dynamics of the closed-eye sitting time but realistically the pain would have been a distraction from listening.  Coincidence or not. My other thought was about proper bending.  The stem stabbed my eye because I bent over from the waist.  Had I bent my knees and squatted, it wouldn't have happened.  And I had just finished watching work-based e-learning about proper lifting.  I wasn't lifting but same idea. Big stress today.  One of the puppies is not well.  Even bigger stress for us as she is our puppy.  Hoping she will be ok. Marlon's arm continued to heal until bedtime when he gently leaned against the stair railing and reacti...

At the hospital the other night, the doctor said eyes heal fairly fast, from 2-5 days.  When I mentioned I was working Thursday, he looked dubious and said he could give me a note.  I said no, I'd be able to work.  And I was.  And today my eye feels so much better.  I am grateful and relieved.  It is still scratchy but the pain is mostly gone. Marlon's arm is still sore and he was frustrated having only one.  I had to tie his shoelaces, help him change his t-shirt, put his sweatshirt on, and much more.  He can't even lift his water glass.  But he can play Minecraft as he only needs his fingers and for that he is happy.  Because it is his left arm, he was also able to do some math. A nice-looking mushroom growing in the grass.  My mom knew a lot about edible mushrooms but I do not so I just took a picture and let it be.

Before last year, Marlon had participated with the Guelph Outdoor School.  His Mondays were spent outside with other kids.  A while ago when I asked him if he would consider it again, he was not ready to.  Last week I mentioned it again and he was interested.  I like the idea of him spending more time outside and away from devices so I was happy he was willing to try. Today was his first day and both Thomas and I were wondering how he was doing.  A big step. I dropped Marlon off and then continued on into Guelph.  First time driving since hurting my eye and it was hard.  My eyes couldn't handle the light.  I never wear sunglasses but I bought some today and they were a lifesaver.  In the afternoon, I heard from the leader of the group, saying that Marlon had taken a fall and hurt his wrist.  He was very upset so I went right over to pick him up.  He was still sobbing and crying.  So many bad things happening and he couldn't tak...

As I'm going through the day, doing as much as I can with my eyes closed, Marlon says to me, 'Mom, you're not an invalid, you still have one good eye'.  My response was that my eye is getting tired.  But when I went outside for a bit I realized the truth of it.  When my left eye moves so does my right, even if it has a patch on it, and when it moves, it hurts more In the garden yesterday, I bent down to pick something but the bean stem got me in the eye.  Ouch.  I did the dance of pain for a while and then figured it might hurt for a bit but would be ok.  I still had three hours before work. The pain did not ease up, just felt worse.  I lasted 45 minutes at work before curling up in a ball and asking Thomas to come pick me up.  I needed a ride in because I was unable to drive or bike. So Paco took me to emergency in Guelph.  I was told they had an opthalmologist on call.  Marlon stayed home with his dad. As my brother Peter will be thril...

What is there to gripe about today? Nothing! I am grateful that we can answer almost any question with the tap, tap, tap of our fingers.  Marlon is in bed and asks why there are seven days in a week.  And I had to get an answer.  The hard part is picking which of the many websites to read more in-depth.  I picked medium.com and read aloud about the seven days going back to the time of the Mesopotamian period and the moon.  And that of course leads to the names of the days of the week and their meanings.  Marlon will finish reading up on that tomorrow. Ask a question and get an answer.  So lucky and so easy. The puppies were playing tug-of-war with a dog collar.  It is made from recycled water bottles and supposed to be chew-proof but we figured we'd better not let them destroy it.

A decent shift at work today however I am reminded of one of my many pretty peeves.  Bags.  At first, I thought it was great that the store was no longer going to carry plastic bags.  But not enough people are able to remember their bags.  Some people will buy more reusable bags while saying something like, 'I have over 30 of them at home'.  And I cringe inside.  Or they get all their groceries packed in paper bags (which are equally as bad for the environment) and pick them up from the top and they rip.  The bag situation saddens me.  And yet if the worst part of my day was my grumpiness about bags and a scale that needs to be reset every second time you weigh something, I would say I can't complain, but I just did, didn't I (sheepish grin)!? And when I get home and I see Marlon curled on his chair with his face glued to a device, I think I need to have more structure set up while I am gone.  He did help his dad for a bit but only a bit. Thi...

A smooth day.  Marlon had his weekend Minecraft morning with friends.  He is still feeling his legs from yesterday's park day.  His left ankle has a little more flexibility.  There doesn't seem to be much change in the right leg as it is still weak with no calf muscles.  I am watching for change. This evening, he was playing Minecraft with a friend and had to get off because he was feeling nauseous.  He was earnestly telling me he is addicted and didn't trust himself not to go back to playing too soon.  We sat together, he breathed and listened to his body.  He has always resisted deep breathing and was saying that when he is told to, he won't do it.  But, because he was motivated to get back to his game, he was willing to do his deep breathing.  After his break, he played some more and was fine.  When he got off he was excited about crashing the game. The other night, I was looking for Mojo and glanced on Marlon's bed and didn't se...

Last night when Marlon and I were talking about today's plans he was asking which park we were going to.  He said 'Oh, is it the one near the long road that is really short?'.  Uhhh…  but it is. We drove past Longfellow Road that is so short it has two houses on it, one on either side.  He gets a good laugh about it. Today was the Not Back to School park day.  Several families get together and kids of all ages run free while the parents chat.  So nice to see the kids interacting and though Marlon was not able to keep up if they were running, he tried his best.  Makes me realize again he just isn't getting enough exercise on our days at home. Afterward, we drove past a gas station and I said, 'Ugh, 139'.  Marlon said '129'.  We went back and forth a bit.  I felt quite sure it was 1.39 but know my eyes aren't the best.  I clarified it was the gas station back there and he said, 'No, the time'.  Sure enough, the time was 1:29, so ...

Last night I called someone we have known for years to ask for a name and number.  While she was able to give me the number and a few more names, she really had no idea who I was.  She kept calling me Sara and trying to place me.  I don't remember what book she was reading but it is not an easy, light read.  Helen is the kind of person that welcomes you into her world.  If you run into her on the street, she will start vocalizing what she was just thinking about but she also pays attention to people and names. Anyway this morning the phone rang and it was Helen.  'Oh Shera…'. She woke up at 5 this morning and knew who I was and that she had more to say in regards to our previous conversation.  Awareness that comes in the night and a dazed feeling when taken to another place in our waking hours. It reminds me of a customer a couple of years ago.  She was from Ottawa and telling me what area and the high school she was near.  I was in that daze...

A pleasant day.  Marlon was in a pretty good mood and hung out with me while I was puttering in the kitchen and we listened to podcasts.  Midday we went to the high school to pick up Linsy's diploma and then went to a friend's place.  Marlon mostly played Xbox with his friend and I got to hang out with his mom.  A nice change from the routine. Afterward, we stopped by to see the puppies.  They are 8 weeks and crazy.  Chewing hair, clothes, shoes, body parts, and each other.  They growl and attack and jump.  The weeks I take the recycling to the road, I usually go after Marlon is in bed.  It used to be a time I would call my mom on the phone.  Tonight, Marlon decided he wanted to come with me.  Overall, our time together was pleasant, with various talks, some serious and some silly. His portrait of his KD lunch.

I made it through my first day back at work.  Yay!!  Out of the blue yesterday, my 6-digit employee number came to mind which was nice. At first, I was completing many eLearning modules and I had wondered how I would keep up with it but it was ok.  Then I was on cash and motor memory took care of me there.  My hands remembered what to do.  I had forgotten many of the codes but that will come. When I got home, Marlon barely acknowledged me, 'I'm playing with friends.  I'm hungry.' We had supper, made cookies, played connect 4, and then Paco had a little time to play Minecraft with Marlon.  A few minutes later, Marlon was throwing up again.  He was so upset that Paco finally had time to play and he couldn't do it. Marlon is nervous during thunderstorms.  Our cat doesn't seem to care.  I was wondering about the puppies and I laughed at puppy mom's response to my query: 'They seemed less scared than me. They were just going with puppy busine...

I feel the stress of going back to work.  I wonder if I am ready.  I wonder if I can do it.  Is my mind up for it? All these insecurities.  In many ways, Marlon is fine with it because I won't constantly be telling him to get his face out from behind a device. Even good change can bring on a flurry of doubt. I have been getting Marlon to do typing lessons but he resists using all his fingers and says he can't.  He had gotten fairly fast with his two-four finger typing and feels he is so much slower when he tries to do 'proper' typing.  I understand the frustration but how he will stick with it.

Last night, after playing Minecraft with a friend for a while, Marlon stated he had to get off.  He was nauseous and figured he'd be throwing up.  He was right.  Was it playing Minecraft at night?  Was it because I didn't give him his anti-nausea pill earlier when he had asked for it? Tonight, he finally was able to play Minecraft with his brother who is always very busy.  No anti-nausea pill and he felt fine. Many of us have been following my sister's journey as she looks for a new place to call home.  While we were at her cottage last week, her phone wasn't working which also meant she had no camera.  Yesterday, several of us decided to get her a new phone.  I had already told a friend I would go to Mississauga to pick up a painting for her so while there I went to a mall to pick up the phone we had ordered.  My sister was to be in town for a BBQ with her family and I was able to get the phone there.  It all worked out so well plus I w...

Last week, Linsy gave Marlon a look.  Disdain?  His eyelashes are growing back, as dark and thick as before.  Not super thick but Linsy and I both have my mom's faint, thin eyelashes.  The boys' lashes have long been a source of jealousy for Linsy.  Marlon's hair is interesting too.  Not very long but the outer layer is a bleach blonde and underneath you can see the dark roots.  I imagine once it does grow back, it will be dark. Marlon took a quick dip in the water.  Knowing it would be cold, he just jumped in.  He came up spluttering with some not so polite words.  Yup, the water is getting cold. Linsy sent me this picture.  In Quebec, on the political signs, they have the candidates' pictures.  We were talking about smiles and comparing them.  A general comparison and then also male to female.  The first word on this sign is 'smile'.🙂

Paco got home last night.  Nice to see him again.  He has been busy writing reports and in less than a week his third year of university starts up. I keep seeing reminders of Linsy and feel twinges of sadness.  I am glad it is easy to message her and even call. I chopped tomatoes and made salsa.  I missed having cilantro for it but it turned out pretty good. Marlon tried it before the garlic and onions were added and felt it a little bland.  After the salsa had those items and more salt, he was happy to enjoy some with corn chips.

The puppies' human caregivers are first-time puppy parents.  At first, it was a lovely distraction.  As the puppies got older, it took more to take care of them.  They made them a pen outside and it kept expanding.  Now, it is a large area encircling a tree with a doghouse too.  It seems like every time I visit, there are adjustments.  The puppies kept pushing through the door, squeezing under here or there.  They would let them out only when there were people around to watch them but as they get older, they run faster and further afield.  The human parents worry about a puppy running onto the road.  Now, if no one is around the puppies are locked in their bedtime trailer so that the little Houdinis will be safe.  What stress.  And yet still so cute at 7-weeks old. Yesterday, Marlon was complaining that it has been over a week since he has been able to play Minecraft with anyone.  He got some friend time today and was very happ...

I have been off work for a year and am scheduled to return on September 7th.  Good to see a return to the normal and yet overwhelming to contemplate. I am thinking about perseverance.  Marlon's as he kept going and dealt with all the challenges, good and bad, the last year has brought.  My role of support person and the regular writing.  The updates have been a good outlet for me and a reminder of the immense support we have received.  I don't know what my updates will be from now on.  Things are always changing.   Thanks for the support and prayers and healing thoughts, and for joining us over the past year. Love the paddleboard.  I may have hogged it when we had it in the water at the cottage but Marlon did get a turn.  Good balance.  The skinny right calf is noticeable in this picture.  When we saw the physiotherapist last week, she did say the flexibility of his left ankle has not improved and the right one is only a little...