May 5, 2021

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I often remember the night Marlon was in emergency and the resident doctor (student) came on and she had a nice manner, seemed professional and comfortable.  Then when Marlon's heart rate was very high and his fever spiking over 40 and he was out of it and moaning.  She wasn't sure what to suggest.  She kept falling back on pain relief.  Several times she mentioned giving him painkillers.  I had no idea what he needed but I knew pain relief was not the answer, not even close.  The main doctor came on the scene just before Marlon had his seizure and started barking orders and taking action.  Having Marlon rolled to the other room, and asking for liquids and meds and blood products.  And I think of the resident doctor, knowing I would never want to be in that kind of situation.  I wonder how it was for her.  To feel so lost and out of your depth.  I relate as I felt that way, but I was not there to know what was going on.

Another thing I remember is that as the initial seizure eased up and his head rolled to the side, I asked 'Is he gone?'.  I was so scared, I had no idea what was happening.  And then when they were working on him in the resuscitation room and I kept seeing his body seizing up, his toes rigid and pointing, and his arms so tight and I hurt to see it.

I am so glad that is behind us but it is not forgotten.  Memories and feelings come and go but Marlon is happy to do his best to forget it.

I think he had a pretty good day.  We are both curious to see if he will need blood products.  He is looking ok and his energy levels are not high but are not extremely low either.

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