Lovingheart

So what can I say. Been pretty silent lately in the written word. Is it all locked inside of me or cried out in tears. Ya know when you want change to happen so bad that it just can't. Can't just wish for change. Parts if me feel threatened by the need to be completely different – it means am not ok the way I am. Am I not? And yet the way I am does not work for me or others. So... Balance. Something I strive for and lately feel like it is so far away and such an unreal expectation. Balance. Hunh? And of course the further away I am from that elusive goal then the further away I travel. And the more I have reason to feel bad and beat myself up. Then what? Well then more of the things in life that trigger me and more reason to have melt-downs. Seems like a repetitive cycle. Does it end? Well of course it does. Things change and the rough times go up and down in their intensity. Some days seem easier than others. And others I just wish I could dig my head in the...

I've been thinking about how Thomas and I met and how we came to be together. I had heard about him years before I first met him. My boss at the time was talking about organizing a sweat lodge and wondered who was interested. The person leading the sweat lodge was Thomas. As it turned out there was insufficient interest ( I was interested) so we didn't do the sweat but my interest was piqued. Years later I was at a health expo and there was Thomas wandering around as well. I went up to him and introduced myself. Ya know, my name and the fact that I heard he did sweat lodges and was disappointed it didn't work out the many years before. That was that. A short while later I was attending a workshop when who should walk in but Thomas. He was unable to attend the full workshop but came for just the first day. We talked a bit again and he offered me a drive home. I accepted but got him to drop me off on his way and I walked the rest of the way to my place. He called me...