Lovingheart

So many little things are not ‘functioning’ as they ‘should’ be. Losing my keys, mittens disappearing, feeling up and down like a yo-yo – as often and as frequent. Money stress and questioning where it will come from and how will I feed us all without it. So obviously I am way ‘off-track’. Sure, I could have told myself that years ago! As I wallow and feel even worse for whatever is going on in that particular moment I remind myself of how I would like to feel and what do I need to do or change in order to find more flow in my life. It is possible and there are tiny shifts. However, these shifts are fleeting and seconds later I am distracted and losing it again (losing it with the poor kids – me yelling and PM yelling back at me – I want to put you in the junk – his latest). Yes I see evidence that my poor little guy is stressed out by some things that happen around here. He is flying away and out of control and yelling and boisterous and hyperactive and ‘at’ L...

Had a rough night with LB last night. She was fussing in bed and couldn't settle. Lying on me, nursing and complaining. When she gets like this she says she wants to go downstairs. I am too tired and lazy to want to get up and trip over stuff in the dark while I walk around with her. Eventually she fell asleep again only to awaken a while later to throwing up. She was lying on my arm so mostly the pillow and I caught it. Yuck!! I felt like jumping up and into the shower except of course that isn't a possibility. Luckily LB was very calm. So much so I thought she was still asleep after throwing up. Turns out she was awake. I took off her sweater, my top, removed the pillow (washed it a bit), covered up the bed, and tried to ignore the smell and the feeling of mucky hair (I did say yuck!!). It didn’t take long for LB to fall asleep again. Then of course every movement from her or change in her breath and I am bracing myself to have her throw up again. It to...

I notice that if something has a lower price than I expect than I wonder about the quality of the product. For instance today we made a quick stop at the grocery store and there was organic broccoli for $1.99 when lately the selling price (well from the farmer’s market and health food store) has been $4.75. The cheap broccoli came from South Africa and that sure is far away. Heck even the hidden costs are almost greater than the money paid out. And also these days there is much about organics and the standards being loosened as larger companies want to get a piece of the pie. Products that are labeled organic can come from countries that have greatly different standards in calling something organic. Getting to the point where I wonder if it is even worth it to buy organic in the first place. For me I guess it still is but realistically what would be most worth it is to change my eating habits to eat more with the seasons and stop relying so greatly on greens. Eating...