Lovingheart

Aw-wibs! LB walks into the kitchen saying ‘I need a nak!’ Walks over to the fridge, opens the door, and gets out the olive jar. ‘I want an aw-wib.’ Nothing new with that. Either I get her an olive or she takes one (trying not to get olive oil all over the place) and off she goes. Next thing I know she’s back wanting ‘anoda aw-wib’. If I’m lucky she’ll spit out the pit on the kitchen counter. If I’m not so lucky it goes on the floor. Many times however it gets spit out on the carpet somewhere. At various points throughout the day I may discover olive pits somewhere in the living room (or like today found one while vacuuming in a corner somewhere). Get her another one with a clean spoon and off she goes again.

Today I really noticed a good example of one reason why I feel like it takes me so long to get anything done in the kitchen (though I do get a lot done but I also spend a large percentage of my day there). I am washing lettuce and PM comes in looking for a snack. I remember some ground cherries we have left in the back of the fridge, dig them out and put some in two bowls for the kids. Back to what I was doing. What was I doing? Oh right, I finally figure out I was washing lettuce. Seconds after I get back to the sink PM is running back in the kitchen with his mouth crammed full wanting more. MORE! MORE! Hang on a second wait for LB. My attention is with them as he is hurrying her along, trying to see if she will give him some of hers. I get them more ground cherries and seconds later PM is back wanting another snack. He is ready to go for peanut butter. He then takes it away and goes and shows LB what he has and of course she has to have the same. Before...

We came home today and I was in a rush to run inside and turn the oven on. As I was going back outside, I heard LB screaming. She had her finger caught in the headrest for the seat. I retrieved her finger which looked pinched and took her inside. She was in pain and saying she wanted something on it (we have a choice of things to put on owies). The oil didn’t work and she was unwilling to try the warm water that Thomas suggested. She cried and cried and cried. Finally I sat down and she nursed for a bit, let go and continued to cry some more. She said it was still hurting – she wanted it to stop. I sat her down on the potty as per her request. During this time PM kept asking if she was better and if it stopped hurting. On the potty she was still crying though somewhat less. PM got down on her level and talked with her. He was talking about the ‘copper’ and rocks we had collected on our walk earlier on and about the things they could do with them. He co...

‘LB will be a boy when I get to be a mother’ – this was spoken by PM the other day as we were discussing something about ourselves but completely unrelated. A while later he said something about her being a boy when she is his age. Not likely on that account either. We went to the beach last week for the first time this summer (yes it is almost over already – where did it go?!). The kids enjoyed it a lot. They are much more comfortable in the water these days from all the swimming around here but nothing compares to a real beach. Sand to dig and dance in and fill up anything with (the joys of getting a few gritty bites while eating lunch). And the water that gets progressively deeper at a slow enough rate that they can go running and splashing into the water. A delight to watch and be a part of. When we go in the pool here and LB starts swimming around with the noodle she shrieks with joy and laughs. Thrilled to be swimming. At the beach she was just r...

On Saturday Thomas and I retrieved our bikes from the basement. I know for me it has been at least 6 years since I have ridden my bike and probably about that long for Thomas as well. We were both a little bit shaky getting on our bikes again but that saying that you don’t forget how to ride a bike sure holds true. Felt as comfortable as ever on my bike (well within reason – I would so like to get a bike that is ‘more me’ – a long story that I still have regrets over). The kids were excited that we could all go for a bike ride together. I found it kind of frustrating with LB because she wanted me to bike beside her – not behind, not a few steps in front but beside. It offered me practice in balance at moving so slow but I had a hard time with her reactions to it. Anytime I got a few steps ahead she would stop and start crying and screaming. If I went too slow she would stop as well. All in all though the bikes were a success. I had a bell on my bike and it wasn...

In many ways I see myself spinning out of control right now. It can appear that I am doing ok (unless you ask Thomas he would tell you I am just as messed up as ever). I am doing, keeping busy, somewhat social, and somewhat ok with the kids. In some ways though it is like I am in a manic state. Spinning and spinning and not getting anywhere. Searching for some sense of stability or balance. Searching for peace of mind. Searching for too much on the outside as I have given up on the inside. How does this look for me? Just look at the food. It’s summer time. Food is ripe and ready for processing. There is so much I want to do – pesto to make, peaches to can, fruit leather to make, vegetables and cookies to dry, muffins to bake, berries to freeze, and on and on. Tomatoes are just about ready to be made into sauce. Just thinking about all this is overwhelming. This is on top of my already busy life. There are many days that are already booked up. Pla...

The kids and I have been enjoying the pool here lately. When I mention going to the pool they are right there. ‘Going for a wim!’ LB will excitedly exclaim to Thomas (she still doesn’t pronounce the letter ‘s’). PM has the black inner tube to swim around on. This is his safety. He still feels very uncomfortable with his upper body going into the water and above his neck is terror for him. He’s getting there. Today they were having jumps into the water (I hold their hands) and for whatever reason he fell in over his head. He was shocked; I laughed and commented about what fun it was. He was considering crying and being real upset but just accepted that it happened and went back to ‘being first’ for more jumps. He was very definite about not getting his head wet again. LB was right there making sure I didn’t let her go underwater. She is more of a little fish. She will take the noodle, walk into the water and use it to support her upper body while kicking ...

LB has started to undo the top portion of her car seat while the car is moving and lift herself up with her arms, turn around to look behind us, reach forward to open the window and all sorts of things she isn’t ‘supposed’ to do. Today I noticed her doing these things (all of the above) and I asked her to sit still in her seat and sit back. She continued to lift herself up so I said ‘LINSY!!’ in a stern way with my voice slightly raised. I don’t know if she changed her position or not but she said to me ‘Don’t yell at me!... Yell at Paco.’ Right – what am I supposed to say to that? I just laughed to myself and ignored her for the short bit that was left of the trip. Not terribly consistent I suppose. Asking her to do something and then ignoring her when she ignores my requests. This kind of back-talk really gets me. Personally how do I feel about the issue? Do I feel it’s worth getting into a fight about? How am I willing to persist or have my requests b...

This question came as part of a quiz – which hand swings forward as your right leg goes forward – left or right. I remembered it today as I was walking along with the kids and paid attention to the feel of walking with right leg and right hand going forward at the same time. Then back to normal and really enjoyed the fluidity of the feeling of swing that comes from a natural walk. Another one of those examples of how many things we do that are pretty amazing and yet are just a part of who we are. Many of these wonderful things we are often unconscious about and take for granted. The beauty as a child learns to walk and then celebration as they become a real toddler. After this celebration our walk just becomes part of who we are. But something so simple is a wonderful thing. Like breathing. Like other abilities that we do often on automatic pilot. Finding more appreciation of the simple things in life…