Lovingheart

PM’s ‘favourite’ word used to be ‘hunh?’. Anything anybody would say he would respond with that word. He had a friend comment that must be his favourite word – there were times that was all he would say. That really started to grate on my nerves. Really! Of course my habit would be to repeat what I had said. And then the answer would be another ‘hunh?’. Grrrr. Somehow or other that disappeared but it has been replaced by ‘what?’ or a ‘why?’ One of the two words is almost guaranteed. Even if I answer the why question in the comment. And I still catch myself repeating what I said. Many times I remember to not repeat it and wait and he will repeat his ‘what’ one or two times and then he will repeat what I said word for word. I find it so frustrating. Many times this happens because he doesn’t understand what I said. But it is also just habit. I keep reminding myself to not repeat what I said and let him work it out. Today LB came up to me and sai...

Linsy had this way of talking in which many sentences (comments or observations likely) ended with the word ‘maybe’. ‘He’s going outside, maybe.’ ‘That hat is yellow, maybe.’ I do notice myself enough to be able to say I know where that came from. As someone who can use ‘probably’, ‘certainly’, ‘sure’, ‘maybe’, ‘definitely’, and ‘possibly’ together in one sentence I often use the word maybe. I also have memories of disappointing my then 3 year old nephew enough to understand that little kids don’t really understand ‘maybe’. It’s either yes or no. A maybe is the answer they want it to be. Lately the ending on the sentences is more ‘Do I?’. ‘I really like to ride my bike, do I?’ This is often followed with a daddy or mommy but not necessarily. ‘I fell down and scratched my knee, did I?’ ‘I can jump very high, can I?’ She often gets a yes to that. What else can you say? If she says something and I disagree she will just keep repeating her point of view u...

I was reminded today of our trip to Ottawa . We travel with a friend and her two daughters. It was a rainy day – raining quite heavy at times. It poured while we loaded up the van and continued on and off while driving (mostly on). We stopped at the Big Apple for a break and run around. As we were arriving it was still drizzling and we quickly went inside to the washrooms. Then we went outside for a bit and by this time the rain had let up and the sun was shining. The kids had a great time running in the mini golf part and splashing in the puddles. Running back and forth, splashing and laughing and tempting other kids to join in the fun. We went back to the car put dry clothes on the kids and prepared to continue on our journey. The clouds came back in full force and by the time we were driving, it was raining again. I was so thrilled at how well it worked out. What a blessing! Beautiful weather for getting fresh air and exercise and just to stretc...

July 26, 2006 I have been striving to achieve more balance in my life lately. Balance in diet and eating with intention to be more balanced in mood, emotions and temper. More equanimous perhaps. In the past I spent time working with the word equanimous and bringing that balance into my life. Back at it again. However I was thinking (partially spurred on by my food and summer musings) that nature may be balanced in the long run but this balance is achieved by extremes. Now is the time of year where the gardens flourish. There is an abundance of fresh, living food. Just a few months back the pickings for lettuce were quite slim. Prices were high and what you got for your dollar was not happy, nor healthy looking greens. These days our garden is alive with lettuce; the farms and farmers’ markets have beautiful lettuce to choose from – vibrant, alive, varied… This time of year, those with gardens often have summer squash (aka zucchini) and then tomatoes in abundance. The...

Local cherry season is over. Greens are in full force. Beans are starting to appear and peas continue to grace dinner plates (and welcome hands). Tomatoes will be around soon no doubt. We have a few green ones but no signs of red yet. Zucchinis are starting to be everywhere. That wonderful vegetable that grows like crazy and you can only do so many things with it. My personal favourites for zucchini other than regular mealtime veggies are to use them in baking and dry them. Last year we enjoyed many dried zucchinis – until the jar crashed and I threw out all the rest for concern that they may have bits of glass in them. I get excited to think about drying cucumbers, zucchini and tomatoes among others. We’ve already made several batches of fruit leather, some yummy fruit and berry popsicles as well as frozen berries galore. Peaches are on their way and I intend to can many again this year as they were a big hit. Summer really is an exciting time. Weather that is comfortable to...

Ever get those nice email messages that have the cute pictures, the inspiring and kind words? The ones that make you feel good but for some reason they feel the need to end with a threat – send this to all the people you know or you will have years of bad luck. What the…? With emails I would often just erase those threats and send on the kind thoughts but lately there have been more that come in power point – I can’t edit them (at least I don’t know how). So yes I just delete them. Don’t tell me what to do! Don’t threaten me in order to get me to do something nice. Is this the state of the world right now? You have to give someone nasty ultimatums if you want them to do a kind act. Seems kind of like how many of us were brought up – with kind words at times and then threats and nasty looks or actions at others. The medical profession that gives threats of death or horrible health if you don’t follow their suggestions. Fear-based motivations don’t always work. I am quite aware...

It started to thunder the other day just as we were getting home. LB was upset and scared and wanted me to carry her in the house (from the car). I asked PM if he could carry the drinks, bag and shoes in. I believe he said no. When I looked he had taken everything in the house. I was very impressed. I told LB what a special guy he is and how helpful he is and how he will stay by her and keep her safe and how lucky we are to have him around (he was in the house by this time). I left LB in the chair in the porch while I went to get the rest of the stuff out of the trunk. It continued to thunder and she was still nervous (though better for being inside). I came inside and there was PM sitting beside her on the chair with his arm around her. What a sweetheart!! He really does look out for her in so many ways. Today we were in our rubber boots playing in the puddles. LB is and always has been a puddle stomper. Gets so much enjoyment out of splashing in the puddles. PM has his ...

I sure do get frustrated sometimes. Bedtime and waking up in the morning are times of stress. For some reason they are not smooth transitions and it’s pretty common for tears in one of the kids – usually PM. This evening we’re going upstairs for bed and all of a sudden (when we’re ¾ of the way up) PM decides that LB should hold my hand. By this point she squeezes past him on the stairs and goes ahead up. A great excuse for a temper tantrum for PM. Here we go again. So I also squeeze by, as he sits on the top step and whines and cries, and go use the washroom. We need toilet paper upstairs and I ask him if he’d like to go get some from downstairs. NO! Not surprised but I had hoped it might shift him out of his tantrum. LB comes to use the toilet and I ask her if she’d like to go get some. Of course she would – problem is she can’t get past her brother on the stairs. Oh well she can stay up. I carry PM to the toilet and then tell LB she can go down now and she does. Then PM ...

To come back to that place where I am here. I am always here but that ‘here’ may be a different place. So now ‘here’ is back home again. A shift – just as going away is a change in the first place. A different pace to go with the new and old scenery. Our time away was pleasant. We got some social contact which I feel is sadly lacking in my day to day life. My life is busy and there is always something going on but I often feel isolated. One could say that it is the place we live that is isolated but for myself I know it is not a matter of where I live but of the life I have created for myself. I have also chosen a partner that shares and supports the tendency to create isolation. We had time with just the three of us – PM, LB and I. We wandered around, we hung out at the park, and we went for many walks together. My sister’s dog is older and a great walking dog for kids. PM was always holding the leash while we were out. At first Bessie was more snappy with the kids and les...

I find it kind of amusing that PM is really into taking the wagon around after the lawn has been mowed and cleaning up all the grass. I’m wondering where he got the idea that this needs to be done. We prefer not to clean up the grass clippings – they provide additional nourishment and protection to the ground. Why clean it away? That seems unnatural. However PM feels it is necessary to be cleaned away – perhaps it is having something to do. Perhaps he likes the esthetics of the grass cleaned away. More likely is he just likes to do it for the sake of doing it. Today Thomas had him spread his wagon load on the grass around a newer garden to enrich the area there. The piles of cut grass ended up offering much amusement to LB as she sat in it, ran her feet through it and just played with the clipped grass. Something so simple that offers much to many. It all works out doesn’t it?

Another day has come and gone and I enter into my 5th decade. My fortieth birthday has passed and some folks (friends and family) came to celebrate the day with me. I am glad to have had the company of those that made it. The beautiful day and the pool are just bonuses that make it all that much more wonderful. There is so much that life brings that may not be what I expect but I know it is just right for the time. Today’s party may not have had the turnout I had hoped for but really it was wonderful and those that showed up are great people. The kids enjoyed themselves and these days that in itself brings me joy as well. I need to take more time just to hang out with the kids and let our joy of life, of the day, of our company infect me more. I need to experience more joy and let go of the stress of not being perfect! A bonus to the day was to have an old friend drop by (met when we were two and she moved away 25 years ago and we’ve seen each other once or twice since – last tim...

Many times my initial reaction to something is a ‘no’. This is something that drives Thomas absolutely bonkers. My ‘no’s’ have been a source of frustration for him for many years. The birthright of a woman is to change her mind? But really I’m not out to name the ways that I say one thing and do another (though Thomas would certainly agree with that one as well) but to consider again the idea of consistency in life and parenting. Today came a parenting newsletter regarding consistency . It is not a crime to change your mind with your kids as many like to say. If I look at myself and my initial reaction I know there are many times where it is much easier to change my mind. Why create stress by needing to uphold a decision that was made without thought for the kids, for myself, for the situation at hand? So whenever it feels right I know I can change my mind. I know that in the ideal situation I would think (or is it feel?) before reacting but hey I’m not perfect ye...

OK this is just too weird. PM was having a hard time falling asleep so I had him in my arms downstairs and then carried him upstairs once he was asleep. I lay him down in bed and he rolls over so he’s lying on one arm, the other is above his head, one leg is straight on the edge of the bed and the other leg is bent over the edge of the bed. Just as he’s shifting his position to get to this, LB stirs in her sleep, changes position to the exact same one as PM except on the other side of the bed. This happens so often with so many different positions. One arm flung this way, the other arm flung another. Legs in similar or same positions with them either on their front, back or side. In many ways they calm each other in their sleep. Her presence helps him to fall asleep. His presence calms her if she stirs in her sleep. He will roll to her if she calls out. Did I ever mention the time he rolled over me – I was on the single bed next to the main one – to get to LB w...