Lovingheart

Today as I was preparing dinner in the kitchen, I thought of a friend, went to the phone and started dialing. Half way through the number (long distance as most of my phone calls are) I sort of paused and questioned whether I was calling who I thought I was. Yes it was the right number. That’s how it often is for phone calls I make. I think the person’s name, go the phone and start dialing their number. Not thinking about the number or looking it up. I ‘do’ phone numbers. A while back it happened that I thought of a friend, went to the phone and stood there blank. I tried to recall her number but it wasn’t there. I had to go look it up. Unusual yet in a case like that I would take it to mean that it is not the ‘right’ time to call this person. I may dial the number and hit the wrong key or get a busy signal or something happens that has me realize that if the person does answer the phone it will not be a good time for them. Or likely I will get the answering machine or somet...

I was thinking today of the number 8 or perhaps more honestly the idea of ‘favourite number’. Somewhere or other down the line I decided that the number 8 was my favourite number. Today I was just wondering where that decision came from. As a kid it was a big thing to know what your favourite number was. What’s your favourite number? What’s your favourite colour? What!?! – you mean I have to choose one? There are so many choices that have value and I am supposed to have a favourite? Yes, as a child you are expected to know your favourite colour and number. So, I decided the number 8 was my favourite. Is there a reason? I guess there are many. Earlier on I was thinking about the circular appearance of the number, the fact that I like even numbers. And then just while writing this I think that somewhere in there is the fact that my best friend (see you’re also expected to pick a favourite friend) was born on the 8th. It seemed great to be born on the 8th (to be someone other ...

I had a good laugh the other day (ok I often get some kind of a laugh from something the kids do!). LB was doing something in the kitchen – actually she was playing with the toaster oven. Next thing I know she comes to me telling me she must go outside now. I have seen that determination before and knew there was no sense in trying to dissuade her. So I helped her on with her jacket and boots, opened the door for her and helped her down the stairs. Then I went back inside. She looked back at me and moved further out of my view. What was she up to? I pretended to move away but watch as she reaches into her pocket and pulls out the car keys. Ah-ha that’s what all the secrecy is about. Now what to do? I don’t want to go outside with her and have no intentions of going for a car drive. We also don’t allow the kids to play in the front seat of the car (T feels there are too many little things that, if broken, can require expensive repairs – I’ve already experienced that). I go ...

I‘m sure I have written before about the challenges of watching my children take on issues that are painful to me. I have many a memory of feeling like an outcast and not fitting in. Heck, these are not only distant past memories but quite current as well. I struggle with my emotions and sense of inadequacy as I see my kids not able to fit in with the group. Whether it is a smaller group of just a couple of other kids or a larger group we just don’t seem to have a way fitting in. Kids are our mirrors are they not? If there’s an issue that is ripe and ready for healing no doubt some relationship will bring it front and centre. No wonder it is often our kids as they are likely our main relationship (along with our parenting partners). I know there are times where I can wish to be far away and not have to deal with myself. How ridiculous does that sound? If I am not with those I am in deep relationship with then I am also not with myself? Not likely! Brings about the mistaken i...

I swear emotions are flipping all over the place. Not sure exactly what my excuse is – hormones, diet, being a mom?? Heck at least I’m not eating sugar to blame that. I suppose for LB she has the excuse of being a two-year old. Cute as heck, saying the most outrageous things and then flipping out because of some seemingly small incident. I learned long ago not to try to force my will on LB. It just doesn’t work. There have been a few times where I haven’t had the patience to try to find the magic answer and have barged ahead to make her do as I want. She will scream and tantrum long beyond my level of staying with it. I just want to undo what it is I have done to bring on this tantrum. So I have learned that having the patience in the moment to find a workable solution actually saves much time and energy as dealing with the tantrums uses up many resources. When in the throes of a tantrum I just want to say ‘Alright, you win, let’s do it your way!’. Sometimes I will take that ...

We were driving home from the market this afternoon and LB calls out from the back ‘I want booby’. I tell her to wait until we get home. I stop off to pick up some frozen blueberries. Booby is all but forgotten. ‘Boo-beh-wies! I want boo-beh-wies!’ I tell them they have to wait until we get home. Eating blueberries in the car would make a big blue and purple mess and T would likely disown us and never let us in the car again. They sure enjoyed those blueberries. ‘Mo boo-beh-wies, Mommy!’ Licked up every last purple bit from the bowl. Then they were fighting over who gets to lick the last purple dregs from T’s bowl. LB seems to be quite thrilled with colours and numbers. She will be reading a book and naming different colours on the page. She was doing a wooden puzzle with different coloured shapes. Then she takes the pieces and names the colours and lays them in a line. Then she lays them out and counts them. I had been wondering how much she understands about numbers bu...

I have been raised with a great deal of competition where grades count for a lot. I received a lot of praise and I think this too enhances the self vs. others which is how I see comparison. Whenever I compare myself to another or compare two things, no matter how great they are, one will come up short. I don’t like the idea of comparison and yet I do it. Though I don’t do it in front of the kids I compare them to one another. I notice the speed at which they both learned to walk and talk. I notice how they may both be learning things simultaneously even though there is almost 3 years between them. I may mention to T differences or comparisons but as I said I don’t think it’s fair to discuss these in front of the kids. Yet I see the competition in PM for sure (and even in LB). Some of it is perhaps a sibling issue but much of it is the one-upmanship I previously mentioned. He wants to have the biggest treat (be it fig or cake or protein source or whatever). He wants to do that ...

Interpreting the talk of a two year old isn’t always easy. Lately there is much more of the whine factor added in and this makes it even harder. Often it doesn’t seem like such a big deal but if she gets upset about something and insists on you solving problem which she is telling you about in complete whine and cry mode it is real challenge. I get a sense of victory when I get that emphatic ‘yeah!’ which tells me I guessed the right answer. Of course if I am clueless to what she is talking about this makes it even worse. Here is an example with close approximation of what one would hear. Wannn, doo, breee, pore, vive, icks, ewen, aite, aing, enn,… In this case it is not so hard to understand what is being said – numbers (yes they are numbers) are said with a certain rhythm and often are spoken in order. If we’re talking colours that is pretty easy too and she is very into mentioning the different colours lately. As a guess I would say that yellow is the favourite. PM is his ama...