Lovingheart

What a couple of weeks it has been around here. Overwhelming. Emotional. Exhausting. Tumultuous. The kids had colds – not a big deal as they fared quite well and it wasn’t too serious. I get the flu. Ick. Not only that we have people over that day so I can’t rest (can I anyway as a mom to two?). Then two days later Thomas is pruning apple trees and the branch he is standing on gives way. He crashes down and does pretty bad damage to his ribs and the muscle/cartilage in between. Just don’t move or cough or sneeze. Somewhere in this time I also have computer problems which still aren’t completely fixed. Lots of help from T, a visit to a computer store and still getting errors but at least I know how to get the volume back. Before it just kept disappearing and I didn’t know how to stop it. Then 5 days after the fall Thomas also gets the flu. That intense feeling of nausea and the fear that he may actually vomit as it would cause intense pain ...

I wake up from a rough night feeling depressed. Bad dreams, issues in my face, feeling triggered and trapped – ya know the usual. Of course the kids wake up too. We lie in bed and they get ‘booby’. I can handle this – I can lie there, feel sorry for myself and nurse my wounds. Then we get up and the usual chaos ensues. Yikes – you mean I have to be able to be on and be a full-time parent when I feel like I want to bury my head in the sand? How do I do this? The poor kids bear the brunt of my bad moods. My patience is lower to start off with. I am unhappy with many things. I snap at them for no real reason. This doesn’t seem fair. The poor kids and poor me. I shouldn’t have to be on 24/7. I should have more back up and support. I shouldn’t be such a basket case still dealing with issues that keep spiraling around again and again and again and again and… Should, should, should – just another weight on the should-ers. Last week I had the flu. Ju...

LB is at the age where her vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds. Her use of words is becoming more creative as well. Precocious? Perhaps. Today she came into the kitchen carrying the book box and looking inside. I asked her if she wanted me to clean it out and she did. Then I asked her ‘What happened to all the books?’ She looks at me and responds ‘Oh, All over the place.’ Yup. What can I say to that? The longer sentences and the stringing along of the words. Empathy is very important to LB. If she falls or hurts herself she needs me to say what I believe happened and she will validate it. ‘Oh you feel and banged your cheek on the table’. ‘Ya, eek, table, ow’ ‘That really hurt did it?’ ‘Ya!’ Kisses are also required to the injured area. A whole process that is required before she is ready to move on. If PM has upset her she is also quick to tell me what he did wrong and how he hurt her. I try to be careful not to take sides in a...

There are many times that my life feels out of control. Perhaps it’s not my life that’s out of control but my reactions that are. Yikes control is such a big issue – so convoluted, insidious and all empowering – na, it’s disempowering. Feeling of power and the loss thereof when the control turns on itself and creates suffering in all. Speaking of power the lights just flickered. Is it the above line that is speaking some deep truth that needs to be explored? Really I can acknowledge the suffering in control. I can understand reasons why it is so big in my life. The funny thing is that it’s the feeling of powerlessness that is a big factor of the need for control. And of course control only brings about less power to all involved. Another element that feeds on itself. Like an eating disorder? Feeding on oneself and maintaining an element of control except it is the self that is controlled. Another plan that backfires. ‘Ha I will hurt you, I will make you...

I like to snack. Nowadays bought snacks are generally sugar filled concoctions devoid of nutrition. I prefer to prepare my own foods. I like to keep things sugar-free. By sugar-free I am not talking about artificial sweeteners and I’m not even talking about those natural sweeteners such as honey and maple syrup and rice syrup. What I will use to sweeten things are fruits and not those sugary dried fruits like dates either (those can be addictive little sugar bombs – I know). So I’m often on the lookout for interesting snack foods that the kids will like as well. Grain-free can be a benefit as well. When baking grain free, nut flour can get pretty expensive. My latest experiment was with sunflower seed flour. Did you know sunflower seeds can turn green when baked?? I’m also experimenting with egg whites as we have an abundance of those as breakfast often includes a couple of egg yolks raw without the whites. Green muffins The outside looks u...

Organic is sort of a way of life here. I take it for granted that every Wednesday we will drive to the organic farmer’s market and stock up on produce for the week. Also on Saturdays we will go the Guelph farmer’s market and then the health food store to pick up anything else we need. Part of the routine. Now what isn’t built into the week is the grocery store. It is an extra stop and something I need to fit in on another outing. Lately however I’ve wanted to fit it in on a weekly basis and that isn’t always convenient or easy. Why weekly? Because I have been buying commercial avocados. To me this seems so ironic. Organic is there and convenient and I have to go out of my way to buy commercial and on top of that I’m paying more for commercial! Yes, the regular avocadoes at the grocery store are more than the organic I can buy. So why do I buy commercial? Too many bad experiences with the organic ones. They don’t ripen properly – they turn brown, t...

I will sometimes look at PM and think how cute he is. I also sometimes wonder how others view him. I know we all see people differently. I’ve seen other moms looking at their children with an appreciation and love I understand. Part of that look says “isn’t he the cutest, most gorgeous being on this earth!”. Not everyone would agree with the mom. Others will see the child as an outsider and more likely see imperfections as well as the beauty. So I wonder how it would feel to view my kids as an outsider. Seeing my child through the veil of motherhood is interesting because even when I am mad or upset about something he has done, and having a hard time remembering my love for him, I can still look at him and see a cute kid. I wonder if it’s because he is a part of me but I can look at myself and not like my looks at all. Then again I guess the perception of self is off as well. My perception of the two kids is also different. PM has always been beautiful in my ...

Another grain-free recipe with yummy but not overly sweet results. 2 cups ground golden* flax seeds – I take approx 1.5 cups of the whole seed and grind in coffee grinder (specifically used for seeds and nuts) 1 cup protein powder – I use hemp but I imagine any kind would work 2 tsp baking soda 1 Tbsp cinnamon (optional) 3 eggs, separated and 3 egg whites or 4 eggs, separated 1 tsp sea salt ½ cup to one cup kefir or yogurt (optional) Juice of half lemon 1 tsp almond extract – I use Frontier alcohol free 2 tsp vanilla extract – I use Frontier alcohol free ¼ cup coconut oil, melted Water – 1 – 2 cups Mix dry ingredients in one bowl. Mix egg yolks, kefir, lemon juice and extracts and approx 1 cup water. Mix in coconut oil. Using hand blender or manual egg beater beat the egg whites until fluffy and almost stiff. Carefully blend egg whites with rest of wet ingredients. Mix wet ingredients into dry. Let stand a while...

I had a good laugh today. The kids and I were hanging out on the floor doing some stretches together. I took off my socks and LB literally pounces on my foot and starts inspecting for toe jam. Each toe was carefully inspected and when she came up empty handed she looked over her own toes again. So cute. The other day I was commenting to LB that I could find any pants for her: “You have tops coming out of your ears and no pants!” She gave me a confused look and touched her ears. I laughed because I was just thinking of the expression but not at the actual words that are used. Speaking of words I have noticed that PM gets his ‘mords wixed’ as much as his mother. There was a great one a while ago which I wrote down – now if only I could find the paper I wrote it on. Something like: “I got my pants a pair of self”. Perhaps it is not thinking about what I’m saying but just talking for the sake of talking that has me speak nonsense with words mixed all over. ...

I find it interesting to observe the natural differences between the children. One very obvious way their learning styles come out is when they are listening to music. With new music Paco will get very quiet, stay almost still and listen very intently to the words. Put on a cd and Linsy will dance. They both like to stand close to the CD player but one is still and the other is constantly moving and experimenting with movements. Music is important to both of them in their own ways. Paco is a talker and can carry on a constant stream of talk about this or that and so it is surprising for him to be quiet. But he takes in a lot via auditory channels. Linsy moves and experiences in a different way. Not sure yet but I would put her more as kinesthetic. I think they both also have visual to them (perhaps thus the need to be close to the source of the music). I enjoy the observation of these differences between kids and situations. We are all so differ...

¾ cup flax seeds, soaked overnight with just enough water to cover completely ¾ cup sunflower seeds, soaked overnight 1 large carrot 3 stalks celery ¼ cup dried tomatoes, soaked ½ cup or more parsley Garlic – optional 1 tsp salt 1 tsp or more Frontier Mexican spice blend Blend carrot, celery, tomatoes, parsley, garlic, salt and spice with a bit of the tomato water till smooth. I use the Vita Mix for this. Add the drained sunflower seeds and blend until smooth adding more of the soak water if necessary. The mixture will be thick and goopy. Mix together in bowl with the flax seeds (they likely have soaked up all the water so no draining is necessary). Spread onto Teflex sheets, cut squares with a knife (or let the kids cut the lines which will be anything but square) and put in dehydrator. Start off at a higher temp (135) for a couple of hours and then turn down to 100. Flip the crackers after about 6 - 8 hours and continue drying till ha...